


Never Did I Imagine

by ShadyLantern



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadyLantern/pseuds/ShadyLantern
Summary: Corypheus is long dead, and the inquisition is settling in for a time of reconstruction. Dorian needs to return home to Tevinter, but before he goes, he and Lavellan need to decide where exactly their relationship together is going.
Relationships: Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Never Did I Imagine

The wilderness of the Frostbacks were beautiful. Especially along the coast, where the water vanished into the horizon. The sun hung low overhead, drawing the sky in vibrant reds. Behind him, the first stars were already beginning to peek out. 

Cassiel sat on the rocky bank along the beach, gazing out absently at the water. Memories flickered in his head, and he let them fill his mind, let himself remember for the first time in so many years. Remembering the last lake he had brought a lover to, stared into his eyes under the starlight. Breele. 

Remembering his handsome face still sent a sharp pang into his heart, still brought to mind the last he had ever seen it. Cold and still and unresponsive. Cassiel let out a soft breath, pushing his memory back to Breele, alive, over a decade ago, bringing his soon-to-be husband to their favourite lake. Remembering his slender hand enclasped in his. His beautiful laugh and smile. His gentle dark eyes meeting Cassiel’s. 

It was hard to believe it had been so long since Cassiel had been with his husband. Nearly ten years by now. Some memories were still burned into his mind like a brand. How his soft skin felt under Cassiel’s hands. His flustered yet pleased expression when Cassiel complimented him. His body wrapped in furs, still forever, unresponsive to the elf’s desperate pleading. Cassiel’s eyes narrowed, fingers clenching. Impossible to remember one without the other. 

“I hope you appreciate the utter devotion it took to drag myself out of our nice warm hut.” Cassiel looked up to see Dorian, the mage settling down beside him. He dusted his hands off, sneering as he tried to sit comfortably on the jagged rocks. Cassiel chuckled, touching a hand to his cheek. 

“I know I ask a great deal of you,” Cassiel said gravely. They kissed softly, simple and automatic. Natural. Cassiel grinned, stroking his thumb across the mage’s lips. “You’re very handsome, vhenan,” he said, eyes looking over his face. 

“Compliments will get you everywhere, you know.” Dorian kissed him once more, resting his palm on the elf’s thigh and looking out over the water. “Did you bring me out here so you could decide which view was better?” he asked teasingly. Cassiel snickered, pushing himself to his feet. 

“That’s an easy choice, vhenan. I’m sure your vanity knows my answer.” He hopped down onto the sand, looking back to the mage. “Come on, walk with me,” he said, holding out a hand. Dorian sighed, taking it and stepping down much more carefully. 

“You know, most people have a nice rest and relaxation after killing god dragons,” Dorian said as they made their way along the beach. He gently rubbed a hand over the elf’s back. “Are you still in pain? You didn’t sound like you slept very well last night.”

Cassiel let out a breath, but still smiled at his concern. “I’ve… just had a lot to think about,” he said, wringing his hands together. He looked over the lake, eyes softening. “Things Ameridan said… The way the inquisition is going. Seems I’m really not going home for good after all.” Cassiel made another long breath, ears tipping back. Dorian’s hand found his, squeezing it gently. “Not for a long time. And you’re going to Tevinter soon, aren’t you?”

“I’ve put it off a long time already,” Dorian said reluctantly. “I… hate to leave you, amatus. But as dramatic as it sounds, my country really does need people like me to drag it out of the mud it’s mired itself in.”

Cassiel smirked, looking up at him. Dorian’s eyes were distant, staring off into the wilderness. Cassiel tugged at his hand softly, bringing the mage’s eyes to him. The last dim bits of sunlight reflected in his gaze, lighting his beautiful brown eyes. 

“You really are handsome, my love,” Cassiel said after a few moments. Dorian grinned, that cocky grin Cassiel had fallen in love with. 

“I’m glad your years in the inquisition have not affected your eyesight, amatus.” Dorian looked away again. A strange tension fell between them. Cassiel could feel the mage’s hand tightening around his. Unspoken questions filled the silence, both of them too nervous to speak them.

Cassiel knew what Dorian feared. That their time together was coming to an end. That once Dorian left for Tevinter, what he and Cassiel shared together would be broken. Cassiel didn’t want that; he wanted much more. But what if that more he wanted was too much? He felt a burning in his throat, a weight in his chest. The two walked on silently, no longer comfortable simply to be in each other’s company. 

Dorian finally sighed, long and heavy, and halted in his walk. Cassiel stopped with him, looking up to the mage. Dorian didn’t meet his eyes. 

“I know what we’re here to discuss, Cassiel,” he said finally. He looked out over the lake. “Us. What happens now.” Cassiel’s eyes flicked away over the water as well. Dorian made another exhale through his nose. “I did say before we could part ways when the time came,” Dorian continued, trying and failing to sound unconcerned. “You’re under no obligation to - ”

“Dorian, vhenan, no,” Cassiel said, taking both the mage’s hands in his own. He could see the tears burning in Dorian’s eyes, but he kept his gaze away. “You have to know I’m not going to leave you,” Cassiel said earnestly. “Even… Even if we have to be apart physically for a time.”

Dorian made a small smile. “We are… very different people, Cassiel,” he said softly. His eyes dropped to the sand between them. “For now you have the inquisition, but someday you’ll go home to your clan. I can’t ask you to stay with me, and I could not live a wild life.”

“Then we live between them,” Cassiel said. His hands tightened on Dorian’s. “Unless… what you want is for us to part.”

Saying the words made his heart feel like it tear from his chest. Dorian looked at him quickly when he said it, and Cassiel felt the tears fall from his eyes. It was a struggle not to break eye contact with the mage. 

“Tell me what you want,” Cassiel said softly. 

“I want you to be happy,” Dorian said, eyes dropping. Cassiel cupped his face in both hands, raising his gaze back to his. 

“Tell me what _you_ want.”

“I can’t ask you to stay partnered to a man who’s going to leave you, amatus,” Dorian said, pushing out his words like they hurt. “By the Maker, it’s bad enough I’m a pariah in my own country, let alone the rest of the world. I have nothing to offer you except heartache and distance.”

“Nothing?” Cassiel laughed brokenly. “Do you really think what we have is nothing?” Dorian let out a quivering breath, shaking his head. Cassiel pulled his face down to his, kissing him gently. “Dorian, I never thought I could love again,” he whispered. “Never thought I was allowed. When Breele died, so much of me was torn out with him. When I fell for you, I resisted… I resisted because I didn’t think I could possibly deserve to love again. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. But I couldn’t believe the love I felt was a punishment.”

“Amatus…” Dorian’s hands curled around the back of his neck. “You’ve already given me more than I could have hoped for.”

“I want more than what we have, vhenan,” Cassiel said. His heart was hammering in his chest. “I want to be bound together forever. I want…” The words snagged in his throat. “I want you to marry me.”

Dorian’s eyes widened. “You… what?”

Cassiel’s ears tipped back, and he fought the words out once more. “I-I want you to marry me.” The mage stared at him in shock, and every moment of silence was like a stab to his heart. Cassiel felt tears spill from his eyes, and he blurted out, “If it’s no just say - ”

“Yes,” Dorian said breathlessly. It was Cassiel’s turn to stare, too scared to believe what he had heard. “Yes, yes I will marry you.”

Words failed him. He choked out a sob and buried himself in the mage’s chest. Dorian pulled him close in a crushing hug, kissing over the top of his head. 

“You mean it?” Dorian asked, words shaking. “You want to marry me?”

“Yes,” Cassiel said, words muffled into his shirt. “Yes, gods, please marry me.”

“Maker…” Dorian laughed, squeezing the elf tightly. “And here I thought I was getting dumped! Bah, I was a fool to wear my good eyeliner today when I knew I’d be crying.”

Cassiel laughed with him, finally drawing back to look up at the mage. He smirked when Dorian quickly wiped at his face. His make-up was smeared. Cassiel took the handkerchief Dorian fished from his pocket, gently cleaning the tevinter’s face for him. 

“You’re… so handsome, vhenan,” Cassiel said, crooning when the man wiped the tears from his cheeks. 

“As are you, amatus.” Dorian’s voice was soft, slightly hoarse with emotion. He chuckled again, sighing. “Such suspense you put me in! You could have simply told me you wanted to marry me, you know.” 

Cassiel leaned into his arms again, pressing his cheek to his chest. Listening to his hammering heartbeat. “I was scared it would be too much,” he said softly. “But I want this… more than anything. I want to be bound together forever, vhenan.”

Dorian gently eased the elf back, taking his hands in his. Cassiel looked up to him, crooning when Dorian kissed his forehead. “I would be only too happy to share the rest of my life with you, amatus,” he whispered. He chuckled deep in his chest. “Imagine the scandal. The evil tevinter mage marrying the dalish inquisitor. Everyone is going to shit themselves from pure shock.”

Cassiel laughed, his heart filled with love and relief and mirth. “It’ll be a pain in the ass to find a church that’ll let us in,” he said in amusement. Dorian raised a brow. 

“Oh? You want to marry in an andrastian ceremony?”

Cassiel sighed, making a face. “Well, not exactly. At least, I would like us to also marry in my clan, under my gods. But you’re andrastian, Dorian. It’s only fair to you.”

Dorian chuckled. “Oh, I don’t much care who we say the vows under, my love. I’m happy to marry under the dalish, you know.”

Cassiel smiled, ears tipping back. He made a small sigh. “Well… thank you. I think we’ll still have to, if only to sate those who think I’m the Herald of Andraste.” He sighed again, and shrugged. “It’s all right, really. It’ll be easier on us in the end, and we get to celebrate our bonding twice. That doesn’t seem so bad.”

Dorian chuckled, kissing him softly. “That part certainly sounds nice,” he murmured against his lips. “Although… I wouldn’t mind a celebration right now, either.” Dorian tilted the elf’s head back, lips touching to his jaw, his neck. “A small, private celebration…”

Cassiel purred under his lips, eyes sliding shut. “That sounds like a good idea,” he breathed. 

*****

Thankfully nobody deigned to bother them when they saw the two skirting back quickly to their hut in the Avvar village. Dorian was sure they knew better. The avvar were somewhat less nosy than humans, Cassiel had said once with a smirk. Dorian was especially thankful for that this day. 

The rest of their evening was spent wrapped up in each other, lost to passion and love and expressing those feelings into each other. Dorian revelled in the sound of his lover’s voice, in his scent and taste, his warm and gentle body under his hands. He loved every inch of him as though newly discovered, wanting Cassiel to feel everything he felt, and to feel it in return. 

The sun had long since set when finally they were done, Dorian laying back heavily on their bed, panting, covered in sweat and marks from his lover’s mouth. He turned his eyes to Cassiel, the elf sprawled out beside him on his belly, breathless and coated in bite marks. Dorian turned onto his side, drawing his fingers down his spine and smiling at the croon it elicited. 

“Do you remember when we first met?” Dorian said softly, stroking over the elf’s back. Cassiel murmured into his arms before opening one eye to look to him. 

“Mm. In the church.” Cassiel nodded. “Where you saw me close a rift.”

Dorian smiled. “What did you think, when you first saw me?”

Cassiel laughed, light and beautiful. “Something like, oh gods not another one. At you _and_ the rift.” Dorian scoffed, resting his arm across the elf’s lower back. “And you?”

Dorian thought to himself. “Probably ‘Oh dear an elf, this won’t be awkward at all’.” The two of them chuckled together, Cassiel shaking his head. Dorian watched his face for a while, the elf’s eyes closed again. “Are you tired, amatus?”

“Worn out, maybe.” Cassiel chuckled. “Keep talking, my love.”

Dorian leaned in to kiss across the elf’s pointed ear, nibbling the tip. He had a question burning in him, one he had never wanted to ask, out of simple fear of where the question might lead. But they were engaged now. They were going to marry. Fear of losing the elf was gone now, replaced with simple peace. 

“When did you first realise you loved me?” he asked. Cassiel opened his eyes, leaning his cheek on his arms as he thought. 

“Hard to say,” Cassiel said softly. “I spent… a long time pushing those thoughts and feelings down and away. Maybe…” He thought for another moment, purring when Dorian began stroking over his back again. “Maybe when I received the letter from your father. When Giselle suggested I lie to get you to meet with him. Or…” His brow creased. “No… I felt protective. I realised it in the tavern. Your face and voice when speaking to him. The… way he spoke to you. That was when I realised it.” Dorian leaned in again, kissing the elf’s cheek. Cassiel made a soft sigh. “I think up until then, I hadn’t realised how terrible humans could be about people like us.”

Dorian smiled. “And then you kissed me in the forest, under the starlight,” he teased. Cassiel grinned. 

“I never forgot our first kiss, vhenan.” Cassiel let his eyes slide shut, and the smile slipped from his face. “Have I ever told you there are some elven clans who hate us? Not many. But they exist. They believe in a strict ‘natural’ order and anything against that is either unnatural or… a burden.” Cassiel made a long breath. “They come to our clan meets sometimes, when all the dalish clans get together. The first time I met one of their people… Well. It was very obvious my interests were strictly in men.” He grinned sardonically. “I was a teen of some age. And very… active. A fellow told me I was a waste to our species, that it was a good thing my parents had so many other children since I was a deadend. I laughed it off. Ridiculous.” Cassiel shrugged. Dorian raised a brow. 

“I thought dalish elves were like family to each other.”

“We are. But sometimes family is… terrible.” Dorian gently put a hand over one of the elf’s, entwining their fingers together. “The next time I saw those clans, I had married Breele. The same fellow saw me. Maybe he was looking for me. And he said to me, I see you finally came to your senses and got a wife.” Cassiel’s smile then was more like a grimace. “And I punched him so hard in the face it nearly broke my hand.”

Dorian couldn’t help but laugh, and the elf’s sneer turned into a grin. “Serves him right,” Dorian said, kissing his hand. Cassiel nodded. 

“I got in a bit of trouble for it. So did he. Breele was… shocked at my reaction but he was pleased.” Cassiel sat up on his elbows, looking to Dorian. “Breele always had a discomfort with his body. Felt strange and out of place. In my clan, nobody questioned him. To have someone say such a thing…” Cassiel shook his head. “There are people in this world who only want to crush us,” he said softly. “They see things and want everything to have a strict order, to be one thing and not another. They demand it. But that isn’t the world. People and nature and everything in between are… chaotic. Free. You can’t hem in people anymore than you can hold in a river. Perhaps you can block it off for a time… but it will always burst free.” 

Dorian ran his hand down the elf’s cheek, watching his expression. “So in a way, I reminded you of Breele,” he said gently. Cassiel’s brow furrowed. 

“Don’t think you’re just a replacement for him,” Cassiel said. Dorian shook his head, smiling assuringly. 

“Don’t worry. We’re long past those fears.” 

Cassiel smiled back at him, nodding. “I wouldn’t say you reminded me of Breele,” Cassiel continued after a moment. “Just that the moment with your father struck me so hard that for a few moments I stopped trying to pretend I didn’t love you. And once I felt it, truly felt it, there was no going back.” He laid his head back down on his arms, letting out a long breath. “People have hurt us, Dorian,” he said softly. “But we shouldn’t have to be alone.” 

The mage scooped the elf into his arms, pulling him into his chest. Cassiel buried his face in his neck, making a soft purr, curling his hands against the mage to feel his heartbeat. After a few moments Cassiel chuckled. 

“Hm?”

“When did you realise you loved me?”

Dorian grinned. “Remember when Sera stole your clothes while you were bathing? You came back to camp completely naked and stood right in the center of everyone and said you weren’t moving until your clothes reappeared. I tried not to stare but I saw enough to know I was in love.”

Cassiel laughed, shaking his head. “Bloody mage,” he murmured. “And I gave you an honest answer and everything.”

Dorian smiled, kissing the top of his head. “You’re right. I already knew by then. I did try not to stare.” He ran his hands over the elf’s body, settling them on his waist. “It’s hard to say when I knew,” Dorian said softly. “Because I was trying so hard not to love you. I was scared to love you even when we partnered. Scared to believe it wouldn’t end. I stopped holding back when we explicitly partnered… But it’s hard to say when I really fell in love.” Cassiel kissed the hollow of his throat gently. “I think it might have been when Haven was destroyed, and you reappeared in the mountains. Do you remember? Me and Varric and Bull and Sera snuck into your tent to see you when we heard you had survived.”

“I remember,” Cassiel said in amusement. “Sera said I looked like shit.”

“You did,” Dorian said, grinning at Cassiel’s laugh. “When we got in and I saw you wrapped up in blankets and bandages, frostbitten and exhausted… But alive. And this enormous weight I didn’t know I’d been carrying lifted from my chest. You had survived, somehow, and you had that shit-eating smirk on your face that you always have right after you nearly die.”

“I have no such thing,” Cassiel protested. Dorian tutted. 

“You absolutely do, my love.” He gave the elf a squeeze, chuckling at his annoyed muttering. “I was so relieved to know you were alive. More than that… That you’d still be in _my_ life, somehow, in some small way. That must have been when I realised. And I tried to hide it. Shut it all away.”

“We’re both idiots, you know,” Cassiel said, kissing over his neck and shoulder. “Both closed ourselves off, and for what? We’re lucky you’re so damn irresistible. I could never have stopped myself from kissing you, that night.” 

“I was so terrified,” Dorian admitted in a low voice. “Thank you… for wanting me, amatus. Thank you for never sending me away.”

Cassiel made a soft breath of laughter. “Thank you for staying, vhenan. I’ve hardly been an easy partner.”

“There’s been hard times. But it would have been impossible to leave you.” Dorian pulled him in all the tighter, sealing his lips to the elf’s neck. “I love you, amatus.”

Cassiel made a soft gasp when Dorian’s teeth found his shoulder, arching into him. “I love you, vhenan,” he said breathlessly.


End file.
